somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize
