I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
