My Higher Power is John Stamos
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
