What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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