my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
