Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
