I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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