I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
