I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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