So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
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Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
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Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work