I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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