a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
My bed smells like the plague
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.