Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
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She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
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I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.