I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.