i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.