Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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