Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
