everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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