I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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