I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
