Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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