i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
