I cockslap morals
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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