i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize