he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
