I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
