Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
