umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
