i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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