Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
