My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
