nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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