she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
