remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
