UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
