So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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