and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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