I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
