i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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