Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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