You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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