your room smells of hookers.
And success
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
