Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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