I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
