Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
