I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
