Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
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We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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