i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
