Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
