carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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