Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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