oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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