What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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