you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
They took my balls.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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