All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
