so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
