In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
