Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
