some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Two words: blizzard sex
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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