Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
