I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
