You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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