There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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