I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Can you repeat that, but with context?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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