What a fucking waste of an outfit
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
