My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
