So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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