Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
