I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
