if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
