why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
