my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
false alarm, still single
Randomize
