I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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