i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
