I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
