I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I can't put those talents on a resume
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
