youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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