The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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