the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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