She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
