hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
