I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
