really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
