Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
