I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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