i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
