i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
