i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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