when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
