He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
