I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
