Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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